When they love me, they leave me

Clarina Tiara Agneta
2 min readAug 11, 2022

It sucks when you hold it back these whole time. I wish all my feelin was gone. I gave my best to you, I thought, “Its different this time.” You know good bye after good bye has been in and out in my life. I just wish someday the reason is different, when they left me, they always say they love me.

It is echoing, “when they love me, they leave me”. That is all I could believe all my life, they always say “I love you” but then, they left anyway.

I hate you, don’t leave me. Will you stay if you hate me instead?

Hahaha I know its stupid, its just a word playing.

No, I know you didn’t leave me because you didn’t love me. You left me because you didn’t love yourselves enough to believe that you could be different. You left, because you couldn’t convince yourselves that you could be better than your past.

I know you are scared. I know none of this easy for both of us. As a stranger for you, who sees your precious heart and point of view in life, you know what I learn something from reading you: There is no book is too hard to read, but if you look at me, you’ll see how you’d look through my eyes. How interesting your story in my view.

You are such a nice book to read, I never knew the ending and I guess I won’t ever know. But now the new book I read has gone by, again and again I know.

Its time to move on, even though I am not ready, I’ve got to be strong just to read your heading as the epilog of this last chapter.

Do you know that I’ve always pictured our way as an old dance. You always give me your hand, but you let me decide when to reach on you. You always let me be me, and now its my time to take the chances whether to reach your hands again or to let you go.

I know I have to find my own wings now and whatever happens I know you’ll be there waiting for me. From the one who still believes you’ll staying.

From the one who still believes in you, that you can always have room to make mistakes, to break each others heart, and learn to maintain relationship.

For now, I know the right kind of love I have for you is the love that's let you go. I love you enough to let you go. I guess I am.