What scares you the most?
What scares you the most? Height? Losing someone you love? Running out of time? Dying? Or maybe living?
Some people might thing living is harder than dying. Living requires you to have a drive inside yourself to keep surviving. And the fear comes in every inch of our life. As a human being we only have 2 options: brave and face it or surrender to our own fear.
Facing the greatest fear might give you lots of damage. Some even got traumatic. Some ended up with suicidal thoughts. Or on the other hand, some get up with stronger mental, choosing to fight with their selves to win the battle inside their heart.
Once I had a very bad month when I had sleeping disorder because I fear of something that never happen in reality but I always dream about it. At that moment, I only sleep for 3–4 hours a day, because whenever I fell asleep, I ended up dreaming the same dream. The same fear always coming.
I tried to face those days, praying, drinking alcohol sometimes just to make myself tired and fell asleep. Until one day, I decided to face my fear, I let myself sleep more than 3–4 hours, whenever I had that dream I wake up, crying, and I said to myself : “You are brave, no need to cry and be afraid.”
Then I tried to remember things that make me happy. I close my eyes for about 5 to 15 minutes to realize how many people loves me, did not matter how many times I got knocked on the floor but I always end up standing tall.
I used to fight my own fear with happiness. In our daily life, gather things that makes you happy. Each moment might only take 5 to 7 seconds that makes you happy, but at the end of the day, give yourself 5 minutes to remember all the happy moments. So there I try to do it every night, step by step.
There was a time when I finally had the same dream, funny story! The place, the dream, the problem was the same, but hey! The subject change! I see me. My little me. In that dream I become Clarina in her childhood. Suddenly, my adult body change into my childhood body. Instead of crying and surrender to that fear in my dream, little Clarina showed me an amazing attitude. She smile a lot, she chose to walk from that scene, from that fear.
That moment when little Clarina smile, I hear a voice of my father saying : “Clarina, you have the right to say no. You have the right to rest. You are tired so you must rest. Whatever the situation is don’t be afraid to tell me. I will always listen and take care of you.”
I woke up, not crying anymore. I told myself: “Come on guurrll! There are still so many things more important for you to think about right now. Get up! Dressed up!”
That morning, I woke up learning how to face my own fear through my happy childhood memory. I realize there is nothing to be fear of anymore, its all just wandering in my mind.
Facing fear is actually a war inside your own head.
You need to know where your head is before you face it.
So, what scares you the most?