Red Eyes

Clarina Tiara Agneta
3 min readMar 1, 2023

Wet pillow, red eyes, dizzy head.. She feels weak. Waking up weak after a long fight has been there for a while lately. She started to grow thrush and the stomach acid is at her throat.. It was 5 o’clock in the morning.

She was only sleeping like 2 hours before she could stop her tears and felt tired. That annoying alarm ringing next to her pillow.

“Damn. I gotta get up and work.”, she is groaning.

That morning she was on her way to her office, she thought…

“Maybe it’s because I am too clingy? Ah stupid me!”

“Why leaving him is so hard?!”, she chuckled.

“Sorry miss?”, ask one girl sitting in front of her.

It was Apple, her student. Yes, working life is there suddenly. She was looking at the student consulting for her exam meanwhile all in her mind is just everything that happened.

“Miss? Are you okay? Are you listening? You’re in tears.”, Apple is running grabbing the tissue box.

“Ah, please.. continue.. I am alright.”, she is sobbing.

“Miss.. are you okay?”

“Nah, just a bad day and hard life. It’ll be fine.”

What are you going to do when your mind is everywhere and you still have working life going on your real situation.

Why is it so hard to let go? Is it the tone of his voice that sounds pleasing whenever we are talking? Or the touch of his hand warmly to my palms.

She cannot decide which one of them stop her from letting him go. Or maybe all of them are there, combined together like a soup. Gosh, what a perfect analogy, girl.. please

Maybe its the way he talks to people or the way she get blushed for the way he walks toward her. His spiky hair, his cute vibes when he make some jokes, his thin mustache that she likes to joked about. His smile and wide laugh when he is happy. She loves all of them. All of him.

“Thank you miss. Are you sure you’re okay?”, Apple tidy up her things.

“Ah yes. I will be. Thanks Apple, a very good luck for your presentation.”

The door slammed. She locked the door and cried so hard.

It is hard because her mind is chaotic. She thought, maybe I should have apologize to him.. like:

I am sorry I constantly wanna talk to you.

I am sorry when you take too long to reply I get sad.

I’m sorry if I said things that might piss you off that I can get annoying.

I’m sorry that I think about you too much and too often.

I am sorry if I come off as being clingy, but its just me missing you.

Now that she thought about it, she recalls some of his nice words saying:

“I could not score you 1–10 but one thing for sure you are the only one that I love.”

It was fascinated just by she recalls the way he talks seriously. Impressive. Her tears stop. She was smiling with the tears left on the cheeks.

Maybe the reason is because it is him, not anyone else.

It’s simply because she chose him from the first place.

Thus, what if letting go is not the right thing to do?

Will she still give up on him?

Will she choose to give up on him? Will she regret it one day?

After a long chaotic mind in that hollow and cold classroom, she decided to stay. She might not know what’s going on next, but she knew it was not an easy decision to make.

She can only hope that this time she is not making another false decision.

Like a book that she reads lately saying:

If there is someone you genuinely love,

whisper this to them this evening.

I love you more than myself.

I love you more than yesterday.

You are where my heart starts from each morning. — Haemin Sunim from the book “Love for Imperfect Things”

So, will he stays with her with all of her chaotic-self?

If he loves her, I think he’ll stay.

What do you think? Will this things work guys?