It’s Okay to Lose Me, you know?

Why?

Why is it so hard to find comfort in you?

Why every time I express my real feelings, you answer me with a joke, as its something not matter for you?

Well, it matters. For me. At least.

Why is it so hard for you to find the beauty in the process and give nice feedback? Is it harmful to show your partner affection?

Is it that hard to see the beauty of celebration when you finish or achieve something in life?

Why do showing emotions seems so wrong in front of you?

Why do you keep making me feel unwanted?

Why I keep seeing that you neglect me?

That it doesn’t matter to know my feelings or understand what makes me happy again?

Am I not matter in your life anymore?

Cause I feel that way.

The worst part of all, whenever I feel happy, I keep finding myself crying after sharing it with you.

And you don’t care if I cry.

What kind of relationship is this?

Crying, disappointment, and hurts are always around

Why?

Why is it so hard to share happiness with you?

Do we have different definition of happiness now?

The more I am working on myself, the more I feel like

I have lost myself. I don’t know who I am anymore.

I have become someone that I don’t like to become.

I build a person who lives with no feelings.

And I hate myself to become someone like this.

Why?

Why is it so hard to say goodbye to you?

Whenever I decided to say it, my lips are stiff

My tongue is numb.

Although my eyes are full of tears, I still can’t say that to you

And when I try to look at your face carefully, I always hope I have the courage to say it.

I keep saying to myself, this might be the last time you can see him sleeping next to you. Take a look at his face, how peaceful it is to be wrapped in his warm arms.

Hug him, cause you might not have the chance again to hug him closely.

So, I take a look at you carefully, while I still can.

Although with my teary eyes I keep notice your sleeping face.

Turns out when you open your eyes next to me, you smiled at me.

That eye smile at me.

Again. After those hurtful words spoken.

So I decided to hug you, hold your warm big hands, and cry once again.

I thought I can say it, but the only word I can say to you was “Sorry”

I have been so frustrated lately with myself.

If maybe I should describe what I feel, I might ends up sit in silence.

Cause I don’t know what to say anymore.

I feel hurt, lost, disappointed, tormented by my own feelings.

All I can do is just crying until I can define my state of mind.

So please let me be.

Let me be in this stage for a while.

And I just want you to know that if finally I have the courage to say it, its okay to lose me.

I always hope you can find someone that you love so much

Someone who always put you in a good situation

Good family condition, good career.

Someone who can treat you better than me and my family.

I don’t deserve you. I hope you find someone else.

Someone who keeps you smiling and wants to take a single picture of her every time you are with her.

Someone that you really put into consideration to accompany you in your life.

I will always pray for the best for you.

So, again.. It’s okay to lose me, you deserve the best.

Always.

With love,

your very very best friend of yours.