I hope you’ll never get this letter

Clarina Tiara Agneta
3 min readApr 16, 2023

I hope you really will never get this letter, but if one day you got this, maybe its because I want to say good bye to you sincerely..to let all things go..

When we love someone, the greatest gift we can give is to be fully present for them.

Listening is an act of love. They said communication is the key.

There’s so much that I’m grateful for when I know you. Unfortunately you’ve changed a lot, lately I feel like you don’t really have feelings for me..

It seems that you are just forcing this relationship to work because you feel that you have known me too far, and then it seems weird for you to go backward and leave me..

If I could have a super power, I wish I could hear whatever your heart say whenever you are with me. ’Cause I am simply an insolent girl who always need reassurance that your feelings has never changed to me.

As simple as that, that’s what I need to recharge my energy in continuing this relationship.

Thank you for always paying attention to what I need.. thank you for asking me what I really need when I know you, yourself confuse with what should you do for me..

Thank you for your efforts that always pick me up or drive me here and there.. I honestly don’t feel self-conscious.. I feel like I can never repay your kindness to me..
I may be socially, educationally, or financially far below you.
Yes, maybe I’m stupid, easily fooled and actually not worthy of being in this relationship with you.

But I keep asking questions, what makes you stay when I’m that annoying?
Why do you stay after knowing that baggage of mine by yourself?
You know, in our age, dating is not just playing games anymore, right?

Are you sure you want to continue dating a girl like me?
Are you sure you want to continue dating a girl who always makes you annoyed and uncomfortable?

Recently, I think you need to evaluate all of this…

Do I really deserve this commitment with you, because what I see from you, you don’t seem interested anymore, you’re already tired of me..
And I can’t do anything about that, I can’t force you to continue to stick around with me if I see you’re tired of me..

2022 has passed. Life has been moving so fast, many happy moments, happy tears, but there are also sad tears to spend in this whole year.

Today is the day I met you for the first time last year.
I realized and I learned that hoping is not an easy task to do.
Hoping, loving, keep maintaining, being consistent about what you have decided is not easy.

On some days, I feel like “yes I am that happy with this person”. Then it can change just in a minute whenever he says something that bother or hurt me. Then that doubt goes out. Again and again..

I feel like I am in the midst of black room sometimes. I don’t know where to go, I just feel empty.

Do you ever feel lonely even when you are with someone you love?

Well, I do.
I feel lonely.

Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I can feel that he is not the one.
So please let me know when it is finished.
Let me know when to stop hoping for your presence anymore.

When to stop hoping that you will love me back just like I do.

When to stop loving your good and bad side..

Let me know when to move away..
And if that day come, let me know how to unlove you too..

Sincerely yours,

Always.

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