Dad, the problem is me..
Everybody know how precious a daughter is for his father. A little girl for a father is like a princess, they said. I experience how my dad really loves me right since I was still a little girl. He likes to tuck me in and even brush my hair if I cried and reported how my mom likes to play with my curly hair.
When I was a little girl, I had a curly hair, that hair always makes me cry whenever I finish washing it. My mom? She is the most creative mom that has a lot of crazy idea to tied, braid or whatever style she wants to do with my hair. At that moment, when I started to yelled, angry, and cry about my hair, my dad came with a fork comb. He patiently combs my hair, while me still crying. See, how lovely my dad is right?
It also happens until now, I am still his little girl who cries whenever something bad happen in my life. His cranky and full of drama little princess. Cause dad, sometimes the problem is me.. Yes me, your 24-years-old-little-princess-girl.. I admit it.
Yesterday we called, he was asking about the man I am dating lately. As usual, my sweet dad, all questions were there.. Are you happy with him? Does he takes care of you like I take care of you? Does he loves you? Do you like spending time with him?
A hard questions to answer lately.. Dad, I am sorry..
Dad, I am sorry I have to say this.. I know that you want your little girl to have a man who loves her unconditionally, moreover you wish someone that can really make me happy.
My answer is quite shocking for him to listen.. I told him:
Dad, I am happy with him.. He makes me happy, super happy.
He takes care of me like how you takes care of me, tenderly.. lovely..
In some ways I even see his similarity with the way you think..
But, Dad the problem is me..
Can I make him happy? Is he happy if he stays with me?
Does the way I take care of him makes him feel loved?
Dad, the problem is me.. I am not sure he wants me to stay with him longer..
Dad, the problem is I couldn’t make him happy.. I saw his happy face back then in 2019 and 2020.. I had never seen his smiling so wide.. I thought his ex did satisfied him, his ex did make him that happy..
That smile that I never see whenever he is with me..
Dad, I think the problem is me.. I cannot make him happy dad..
Dad, I am sorry.. sometimes the problem is not him, but me..
He was not answer me for a while, I thought he cried..
But then he answered me..
Dad : Na, you know what? You are never been a problem for me..
Me : Yeah dad, please you’re my dad, Please stop saying something obvious, I told him.
And here it goes an answer that really blow my mind:
No, I mean my daughter can never be a problem for someone who really loves her. If he really loves you that much, you won’t be a problem for him. You will be a blessing for his life. You ask me whether you can make him happy right? Ask him yourself girl, you are a strong independent girl. Ask him whether your presence means something for him? Make sure when you ask him, look into his eyes. He will never answer such questions easily if he really loves you.
If he really loves you, he’ll take so much time to figure out my little girl.
But if he left, maybe it means something else to you then..
Now what Dad? What do you mean it means something else?
It means you gotta go faaaarrr away to bring me back your Master degree certificate before you got married. You know what, Papa proud of you. Papa would be happier to see you reach your dream first instead of finding your dream husband.
The conversation ends there about him.. Somehow I am still thinking about it, every dad wants the best for their daughter. They don’t know sometimes that being their little girls also had other thoughts.
The question is now, can I really make him happy?
Does he happy staying with me?
Or once again, Dad, the problem is me.. I can’t make him happy..
Dear you, I am afraid of losing you, but I am more scared if you are not happy staying with me. Leave me if you’re not happy with me. Its okay. Time will heal.
From a girl who still wishes you’ll stay.
Now playing — Stay by Sofia Carson
I miss the way you’d call just to say my name
Messages on my phone, I still replay
You never know what you got ’til nothing’s left
Forgive me now if I could say what I never said
Ooh, they say, “You’re better off”
As if it’s gonna make it easy to move on
Ooh, they say that time will heal
But they don’t ever wake up feeling like I feel, oh
I can’t forget the night that I let you walk away
You took the beating of my heart
It doesn’t work the same
I close my eyes sometimes and hope that I see your face
And though I don’t know where you are (you know what?)
I wanted you to stay