Connection

Is it just me or is there somebody else remember moments through songs?

I called this “connection” between what I’ve been through with any song played at that moment.

I realized it when I listen to one of BTS old song, suddenly I can feel the chaotic situation in my old house. It was 2016, we lost our house.

I remember how moving on from a house since the day that I was born was that hard. And whenever I close my eyes on BTS — Move song reminds me the feeling of that day.

I took the pictures of my empty house with all the boxes and dusts.

Some songs reminds me of happy memories on my way somewhere..

Some songs contain precious moment that I spend with someone that I love..

Whenever I listen to Stay The Same — Joey McIntyre I remember how I hugged my dad very tight wishing he is not going back to Jakarta for working.

That little Clarina who cried so hard, slept with her daddy’s t-shirt just to smell her daddy’s scent.

There is always connection between my feelings in a moment with a song that I played at that moment.

There are also some songs that I played always whenever I want to remember some moments in my life.

I always have that connection in my life where I can always remember how someone make me feel through a song that reminds me of him or her, and then smiled once again.. or cried once again..

I think to my self many times whether its a positive talent or negative one?

Some of the days I hate to remember things, so I skip the song, but I could not erase the memories and how the song brought me to it.

Today, I listen to another song that reminds me of another situation. I listen to a new song but the song reminds me of myself lately.

Sometimes I am drowning to my own thoughts, and I cannot get away from it.

Although I look happy with my surroundings, I feel empty.

Sometimes I just want to stay away and ignore things around me, getting away from the pressure of my life.

Sometimes all I want is to talk it out with someone who can understand it.

I wonder maybe I’ve been hurt so much that I kept thinking how someone could have hurt me again and again..

I am thinking about how would they create new wounds on me..

That feeling of doubt, being aware of getting hurt, and insecure is there.

Some of the day I am so afraid that I am just being used and becoming somebody’s pleasure only.

Those feelings, push me to suddenly choose to stay away from happiness.

Although I have a lot of friends that makes me happy, happiness seems just a happiness.

I feel like I am just escaping those feelings and not coping with it.

I feel cold sometimes, crying, relieved, and be back warm again.

Yes, that’s right. I have never been enjoying myself in loneliness.

But the question is, what are these thoughts led me to?

I am still figuring out why I always have these thoughts.

And there you go again how a song can have connection with my feelings at the moment. Its always like that.

Soul try to figure it out
From where I’ve been escapin’
Running to end all the sin
Get away from the pressure

Wondering to get a love that is so pure
Gotta have to always make sure
That I’m not just somebody’s pleasure, oh-ho-oo

It was in a blink of an eye
Find a way how to say goodbye

I’ve got to take me away
From all sadness
Stitch all my wounds, confess all the sins
And took all my insecure

When will I got the love that is so pure?
Gotta have to always make sure
That I’m not just somebody’s pleasure

Somebody’s Pleasure — Aziz Hedra

Maybe I should start thinking how to stitch all the wounds and close tightly the feeling of insecure from being hurt by people around me.

And start believing that there is a pure love for me.

That there is someone who can love me just the way I am.

I hope today’s connection between the song and my thoughts can remind me that I have decided to stitch the wound.

Remind me that I should never be worry again about finding a love that is so pure for myself.

I should start believing that there is someone who can always accept my wounds and take a good care of it.

So that I don’t need to always make sure again and again how someone loves me so much.

I have got to remember today’s connection.