A Mini Milky Way in my mind

I thought the Earth is big enough, but its a Milky Way.

Its bigger than I thought. My overthinking mind.

I hate that mini Milky Way in my head.

All I ever ask is to live on Earth only, but I never made it, I kept thinking about the whole Milky Way. And I hate it.

Baby I am so sorry, I hope I could undo the experience to once again stand on my Earth to believe in you.

Turns out, I kept overthinking about everything..

Whenever I have a deep talk with my best friends these questions comes up:

Lifetime is a long journey. Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your time with this person?

Is my decision right, now?

Am I doing the right thing now?

Is he happy in this relationship with me? Or he is under pressure?

Am I good enough? Will he try to find other piece in someone else?

Is it okay if I am questioning whether his feelings still the same with me or not?

I hate those days when they give me such a nice comments about my ability..

Those comments on me whenever I have done my part of job or whenever I learn something new..

Those comments end up putting me in the corner of the room and wondering..

That “Your boyfriend must be very proud of you.”

Really?

That “Your boyfriend must be very happy to have a girlfriend like you, you are independent and you can do many things on your own.”

Thanks, but I am not sure he thinks that way.

That “Wow you can play a lot of music instruments and still want to learn another one? Your boyfriend must be getting more crazy about you.”

Well, to be honest I have never seen him go crazy about me.

That “Your boyfriend must be very grateful to have you.”

Oh really? Cause I never heard that..

Well, they never know that all I ever heard is a total different things from him

Cause all I ever heard is that I am too clingy

That I am too complicated, I am a drama queen

That he is tired of me, that he is too lazy to take care of my overthinking mind..

Well, that hurts, actually…it seems like he does not care about how I feel..

So, what would you do to someone that you love wholeheartedly but never grateful to have you?

What would you do to make him understand that his behavior hurts you so bad, that finally you choose not to hope or expecting anything again from him. And here I am just accepting him the way he is..

As I learn about his Milky Way everyday, I learn that he does not like to be bothered on his working days..

I learn that he does not like gift.. He is not a chat person so I switch my habit to call him everyday, because I want to make him feel loved, the way he is comfortable to feel it..

So I learn about his Milky Way, although sometimes its unusual for me..

Although it changes the way I express my affections.. I’ve tried

Hey there, if you read this, its me. I am still here. I hope you’ll learn about my mini Milky Way too..

Is it that hard to learn and to understand how to make me feel loved?

Instead of learning about my Milky way, he said I never appreciate the way he loves me, that I only accept affections the way I want..

Is it really that hard to understand how to make me feel loved?

In my different gravity, I choose to learn about yours..

Will you learn to adjust with my gravity too?

Sometimes, I can scent how you do things because you’re tired of me, not because you love me.. and that hurts.. that makes me sad..

If you think you are not able to do this relationship with me, that’s okay..

I think its better to choose yourself. Don’t choose me again.

Be free.. choose yourself, don’t choose me..

I am sorry I could not bare with the cold to go to your Milky Way

I have been trying so hard to go there, to put my blanket on..

Now my blanket is too thin, and its too cold being around you, dear..

So, I have to go, or I might kill my self in your Milky Way..

Your Milky Way and my Milky Way..

Its too hard I know, to let go..

But if it makes you happier and feel free.. do it..

Leave me here, go back and choose yourself..

And when that day come, I promise I will learn to enjoy your freedom smile..

Although it leaves me scars and left me lonely again, only with my Milky Way..

I hope you’ll find someone who can bare with the cold, in your Milky Way.

Who can keep herself warm in your cold gravity..

I promise that I am rooting for your happiness, sincerely..

From the girl who keeps learning about your Milky Way everyday..

The girl who choose you every day and love you enough to let you go..

XOXO,

Meato.