36/365

Clarina Tiara Agneta
3 min readFeb 4, 2023

My phone vibrated. “Its him! What should I do?”, I ask my bestfriend.

She didn’t say anything, she only gave me that you-have-just-cried-because-of-him-two-damn-minutes-ago-bitch!

“Duuhhh…What do you wish me to response, bitch?!”, she said.

Me: “Halo?”

Him: “Lagi dimana?”

Me: “Masih di Pluit. Gimana?”

Him: “Aku akan pulang dari Sunter dan lewat sana. Shareloc ya kamu pulang sama aku aja. Ku bawain jaket.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

“WHAT DID HE SAY?”, yelled my creepy bestie.

“He is coming to pick me up. So I said okay.”

“HWAH UP TO YOU BITCH! JUST DON’T HE DARE MAKING YOU CRY AGAIN, I’LL KILL YA FIRST. NOT HIM. YOU DIG YOUR OWN GRAVE!”

I am just giving her my thin smile, seems like everything is gonna be okay.

Cause I know I was not okay at that time.

It has been like 2 weeks after I decided to make some distance from him.

Maaannn.. I MISS HIM LIKE HELL!

But, he said he could not have anything with me.

He said that easily like nothing ever grown between us. Nothing!

That was why I decided to move away from him.

Him: “Hey, aku di depan ya. Pagar hitam kan?”

Me: “Yepyep, oke aku keluar ya.”

A couple of minutes later, I heard his motorcycle came in..

Him: “Bentar ya, ini kamu pake jaketku dulu. Udah? Jalan ya kita.”

I was trembling, I could not simplify my thoughts and feeling that night.

The feeling of missing him. How I want to hug him so bad.

The feeling of I should not have this feeling again. I am leaving, remember?

The feeling of anger, that I have no right to be angry on his decision.

The love that I have for him, that keeps growing and growing.

“Oh no this is bad..”, I thought..

I chose to be silent in our way home. With all those wall of thoughts in my head, I hold his orange jacket tighter.

I was startled by the siren that gave scent a train will pass.

It was crowded, many people around us stopped their vehicle to wait for the train to pass by.

Then, I felt his warm hand grab my left hand.

A warm rub on my back hand, I did not understand what was that for, until..he grab and pulled over my hand..

He kissed the back of my hand slowly..and he said..

Love you Na..

Oohhh nooo..What is this?!

People were watching from my left and right motorcycle.

Damn! WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING?

I feel like the big wall of thoughts on my head were collapsing.

In one simple sentence, one gestures. Boom.

And that was the first time I could see his genuine feeling to me..

His first confession on how he loves me through words and action..

Today, he is still the same person that moves my heart.

The way he holds my waist when we walk together..

The way he holds my hand and give it warm rubs..

The way he pulls me closer to put me on my helmet..

The way he randomly calls and shows up when he miss me..

The way he lays my head on his shoulder when I cried..

The way he takes a good care of me through his never ending nagging..

And I know we are happy with each other.

The most important thing is, we know we are not perfect.

We keep making mistakes. We fought many times too.

But we know, we are working on this relationship together.

That in any occasion and problem, we always have each other to run to..

Of course we break each others heart too sometimes..

The more we learn to cope with it, the more we found more and more to learn about each other.

And that's how I can conclude in my 36th day in 2023, I knew, I did not make wrong decision last year.

To choose him, to get to know him.

To not giving up on him. Again and again..

Whenever I sit in front of him, talking to him on call or simply have dinner together after a long day..

I always say to my self, I could never choose a wrong person to be with me.

Yes, no one could ever be more “right” for me, than him.

36/365 I realized that its him.

I am so blessed to meet him in my life.

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